stories

Terri's Story

Thank you Phillip, for allowing me to share my feelings and thoughts about living with a child with ADD.

My son is 12 years old. It wasn't until he reached grade 4 that we finally found a teacher that would agree with us that our son had a problem, and was not a "normal" child. Up until that time there was an awareness from the school system that our son had difficulties in the classroom and on the playground, but no one would acknowledge the fact that as teachers, they couldn't handle his difficulties.

We tried every type of behavior modification, allergy testing, whatever test that was available to find out why he wasn't learning and developing mentally the way "normal" children do.

Our daughter is 10 years older than our son. She went through all of her normal development stages at the right times. She learned to cross the street safely. She knew that if you hurt someone that they would hurt you back, and she listened when we spoke.

David was different right from birth. He was more active, more vocal, more inquisitive, and not in a safe way. We had to watch him every minute he was awake, and, more often than not, check on him several times during the night to untangle him from the covers, or to cover him up, or to take all the toys out of his bed so he could have room to sleep himself.

I am totally exhausted! All the time! I love my child, more than anything in the world, but there are times when I wish I had never given birth to him. This causes me much stress and guilt. How could a mother feel this way about her son? Why did my son have to be born with these problems. How can I keep him safe his whole life? How can I make life "normal" for him?

When we found his grade four teacher, it was like finding an angel in disguise. She had him tested (which we couldn't do without a teachers help) and on medication before the end of the second term of grade four. By the end of grade four he was reading! By the end of the summer he was reading at a grade four level. By the end of grade five he was reading the books that I read, and testing at a university entrance level in comprehension as long as the test was given verbally.

He still cannot do well on written tests. His understanding of the work he does in class is exceptional, however he cannot get the information from his head, through his pencil and onto his paper. And it's all the pencils fault!

The frustration that he goes through every day is phenomenal. In the morning he needs to be told how to get ready for school one step at a time until his medication kicks in. He is easily distracted by everything around him and loses his work constantly.

The need for him to achieve is high. He constantly pressures himself to do better, then forgets what he was doing. He needs to be reminded just to sit and actually do the work that is in front of him.

Any type of change either in his routine or environment will completely throw him out of control for at least a week until he can become accustomed to the change.

How can I give my son what is best for him if I don't know what it is? How can I help him to become the best that he can be? How do I overcome the guilt I have about having a child with a disability? How can I get others to recognize that my child is special and that he needs to be treated differently? How do I get my son to understand that others see things differently than he does.

These are just a few of the questions that I have. How can I find the time to ask more, and to look for the answers when I spend all of my time trying to protect my son from himself?

Thank you for "listening" as I sound off. I found Phillip's story to be very helpful in knowing that I'm not the only parent that had to go through this type of problem. I can only hope that I am as patient and loving as his mother is/was.

Terri

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