Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, Assertive Techniques

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Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques

Active listening: reflecting back (paraphrasing) to the other person both words and feelings expressed by that person.
Identifying your position: stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.
Exploring alternative solution: brainstorming other possibilities; rating the pros and cons; ranking the possible solutions.

You have a right to make your wants known to others.
You deny your own importance when you do not ask for what you want.
The best way to get exactly what you want is to ask for it directly.
Indirect ways of asking for what you want may not be understood.
Your request is more likely to be understood when you use assertive body language.
Asking for what you want is a skill that can be learned.
Directly asking for what you want can become a habit with many pleasant rewards.

You have a right to say NO!
You deny your own importance when you say yes and you really mean no.
Saying no does not imply that you reject another person; you are simply refusing a request.
When saying no, it is important to be direct, concise, and to the point.
If you really mean to say no, do not be swayed by pleading, begging, cajoling, compliments, or other forms of manipulation.
You may offer reasons for your refusal, but don't get carried away with numerous excuses.
A simple apology is adequate; excessive apologies can be offensive.
Demonstrate assertive body language.
Saying no is a skill that can be learned.
Saying no and not feeling guilty about it can become a habit that can be very growth enhancing.

Ask yourself, "Is the request reasonable?" Hedging, hesitating, feeling cornered, and nervousness or tightness in your body are all clues that you want to say NO or that you need more information before deciding to answer.
Assert your right to ask for more information and for clarification before you answer.
Once you understand the request and decide you do not want to do it, say NO firmly and calmly.
Learn to say NO without saying, "I'm sorry, but..."

Broken Record - Be persistent and keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. Stick to your point.
Free Information - Learn to listen to the other person and follow-up on free information people offer about themselves. This free information gives you something to talk about.
Self-Disclosure - Assertively disclose information about yourself - how you think, feel, and react to the other person's information. This gives the other person information about you.
Fogging - An assertive coping skill is dealing with criticism. Do not deny any criticism and do not counter-attack with criticism of your own.

Agree with the truth - Find a statement in the criticism that is truthful and agree with that statement.
Agree with the odds - Agree with any possible truth in the critical statement.
Agree in principle - Agree with the general truth in a logical statement such as, "That makes sense."

Negative Assertion - Assertively accepting those things that are negative about yourself. Coping with your errors.
Workable Compromise - When your self-respect is not in question offer a workable compromise.

Both parties describe the facts of the situation.
Both parties express their feelings about the situation, and show empathy for the other person.
Both parties specify what behavior change they would like or can live with.
Consider the consequences. What will happen as a result of the behavior change? Compromise may be necessary, but compromise may not be possible.
Follow up with counseling if you need further assistance.

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Source: This Page Complements of Louisiana State University Student Health Center

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