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(October 17, 2003) Baton Rouge, LA. -- "Before I entered teaching 32 years ago, I didn't know if it was for me," Dan Hodgins told an audience gathered recently at Baton Rouge General Medical Center. "I heard teachers say, 'I like all kids,' and I didn't like all kids. But then I found out that they really didn't mean it. They meant, 'I like all kids who do what I want.' But I think you have to accept all kids."
Hodgins, coordinator of education at Mott Community College in Michigan, was in town for "Raising Children Who Take You to the End of Your Rope," a lecture sponsored by the Baton Rouge Association for the Education of Young Children, Baton Rouge General Medical Center, and the East Baton Rouge Parish public school system.
Hodgins is a nationally recognized expert on childhood education who enjoys a reputation for entertaining audiences. Equal parts Dr. Phil and Erma Bombeck, he usually draws a crowd at education conferences.
"He's fabulous," said Carol Aghayan, an LSU instructor and mother of two. "I always learn something new and really enjoy his presentations."
"How many of you have dealt with a child, maybe your own, who takes you to the end of your rope?" Hodgins asked his audience of Baton Rouge educators and parents. Hodgins, a veteran of the classroom, confessed an extensive list of kids who've tested his sanity during the years. But he quickly admitted that not all of his frustrations stemmed from the classroom. Often, said Hodgins, they began under his own roof.
Before his daughter, Jennifer, began her first day of preschool many years ago, "I gave her a choice," Hodgins recalled. "I asked her what she wanted to wear."
Hodgins' daughter surveyed the extensive wardrobe in her closet before selecting a Wonder Woman swimsuit.
"It was snowing in Michigan," said Hodgins, who was unable to dissuade his daughter's choice of apparel. "She went to school in a Wonder Woman swimsuit and a jacket. When we got to school, every jaw in the room dropped. I said, 'What can I say? She likes Wonder Woman.'"
"I was stupid," Hodgins confessed. Lesson learned:
"Give children choices, but only choices that you want them to have. Don't ask them if they want to go to bed. Give them a choice of pajamas instead."
Here are some other lessons Hodgins shared with listeners:
If a child attempts to do something for himself, don't expect perfection."There's no research to suggest that children with shoes on the wrong feet are going to grow up to be physically challenged," Hodgins said.
If saying it a hundred times isn't working with your child, try putting it in words and pictures. Sixty-seven percent of all children are visual learners, Hodgins said. That means they learn more through seeing than hearing. "How many times have you said, 'Flush the toilet?'" he asked the audience, "or 'Wipe your feet! Wipe your feet!'? You might have better luck putting a sign on the back of the toilet or near the door. If we want to do less nagging for children who are visual learners, you might want to draw a picture."
Not all restless children have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Hodgins said. "There's really only two kinds of kids now, gifted or medicated," he added, prompting laughs from listeners. Some children who fidget, said Hodgins, are mobile learners, students who learn best by doing. "There are probably more mobile kids around than we want to accept," he added. "Instead of sitting down with them and reading a story, how about having them act it out? Is there anything wrong with them standing up to do their work?"
Children who are verbal learners -- Hodgins calls them "talkers" -- tend to have trouble keeping quiet in class. As a teacher, Hodgins encouraged such children to write thoughts down and save them to discuss at an appropriate time. "Writing it down helped them get it out of their system," he said. "Talkers also like to memorize. They learn better by hearing words. They do well in school if the curriculum is based on phonics."
There's no magic solution for managing toddlers in a grocery store. If possible, trade babysitting favors with a relative or neighbor and go alone. "Kids going shopping is horrendous," said Hodgins. "It's like taking your kids to a restaurant for a relaxing dinner. Do you want a relaxing dinner? Don't take your child."
Do your kids bother you while you're on the phone? "I kept a small box of toys near the phone, and the children could only play with them while I was on the phone," Hodgins said. "It helped."
Have realistic expectations. "All children under 7 years old are egocentric, which means they can't believe that there's anyone else who has needs, too," said Hodgins.
If your child is doing something that bothers you, ask three questions: Do you have any control over it? Can you do anything about it? Is it really that bad? If the answers to these questions are no, no, and no, Hodgins has some advice: "Let it go," he said. "Get over it."
Source: The Baton Rouge Advocate
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