Trillian's Lighter Side

My Psych Humor

"I've found out why people laugh.
They laugh because it hurts so much . . .
because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting."
~ Robert A. Heinlein ~
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

Stress Management

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
There now, feeling better?

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

If you say to a psychiatrist: "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?"

while a psychologist will say: "Thank you for sharing that with us."

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the
inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave.

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the
inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The staff have the keys!

"I'm only paranoid because everyone is out to get me."

"My mother-in-law is so ugly, I wanted to kill my father and sleep
with my sister."

Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?

A. To prepare them for the bill.

In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to keep the first one
from sticking his finger in the live socket.

Hey! are you following me?!!?

• -Just one, but the light has to really want to change.

• -Just one. And his mother.

• -Just one, but it takes nine visits.

• -None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.

• -"How many do you think it takes?"

• -"How long have you been having this fantasy?"

One with two graduate students, but they get three papers out of it.

top | more humor | quotes | poetry

home | bipolar disorder | my diary | depression types | medications
quotes, humor, poetry